Published on January 29, 2004 By JEPEL In Humor
New Page 1

I received this by e-mail from a friend of mine. Not only Bush can do Bushisms...

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." (Sounds like something Yogi Bear would say)

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"

--George Bush, US President

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

--Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."

--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, VP

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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 "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.  And the next orning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Question to Miss Alabama: If you could live forever, would you and why?

  Answer: "I would not live forever! , because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

 


Comments
on Jan 29, 2004
A couple of these by Al Gore were credited to Bush too. I think that people just take the quote and put whatever politician's name on it that they see fit.

I have heard them all before but they are still funny.
on Jan 29, 2004
Good quotes (particularly by Mariah Carey) but I don't know how those consitutute Bushisms...

~Dan

PS did anybody else look at 'bushisms' and think "what moron misspelled buddhism?"
on Jan 29, 2004
You are technically right, in deed only Bush can create Bushism (by definition). However, I think that the definition of a Bushism is: to express something stupid very seriously and in a way that reveal a poor vocabulary. Unlike them we ought to not take them seriously.
on Feb 16, 2004
Unfortunately, stupidity is not in short supply--but at least we can laugh at it.